Heart Versus Head

When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.

Milan Kundera

I’ve lived in the little flat I have temporarily named ‘Home’, here on the north-east coast of Scotland, for a year. Having moved from a flat of my own where I had lived for four years, the transition to sharing with two others has been a struggle – a struggle that mainly comes down to my personal need for my own space and being very used to having that space. Financially, unless you are earning well and have no other debts to pay off, sharing is really the only sensible option when living the one of the few places in the country who’s rental and housing market didn’t get hit with the recession in a big way.

However, the little home-maker in me longs for a space to call my own, where all my boxed-away prized possessions can be on show, I can indulge in my vintage decorative desires without having to double-check with the people I share space with, and I can move the furniture around in whatever way I want without worrying that HMO would not approve.

 Within this year I have changed employment to a better-paying, higher responsibility position which has  been a challenge (both a good one and a stressful one!). Unfortunately, while being better-paying, it still does not leave me in the position to comfortably afford my own place. While I could budget tightly and afford it, I would have to forgo my regular trips to visit my boyfriend who lives 100 miles away, and train/bus tickets are not the cheapest. However, the fact I could comfortably afford a flat of my own in any other city in Scotland makes me despair at the sheer cost of property and rent in this part of the world.

As ever, I’m in a battle between heart and head.

My heart says: ‘Get your own place – you’ll be poorer but happier!’

My head says: ‘Stay where you are – you can make it work and bide your time until you have saved a bit more and paid off student debt.’

My job is a departure from what I trained as and is pretty far out of my comfort zone. This is something I both relish, but I also find myself missing the daily interaction of teaching. Working with children, advocating for children, and making the world a better place for children is where my heart lies. I will be content enough as long as whatever job I am working fits one or all of those categories. However, I do find myself longing to step out of my very corporate role and get back to the hands-on work. To step away from the bureaucracy and get back to the basics.

My heart says: ‘Go! Find something you love!’

My head says: ‘This is a good position, with good prospects and security. It’s more sensible to stay put.’

Head and heart do not always agree. Who wins in the end?

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